Is today the day?

When you are at the very end of a pregnancy - (unless you schedule endusement or a c-section) you walk around like an invisible alarm clock about to go off. You can hear the ticking in your head, but you can't see the hands of the clock and don't know when it is going to ring.

Every pain you feel makes you think 'is that a labor pain? is it starting?' Each errand you do creates a small panic 'please don't let my water break in the store!' You know the enevitable is coming any day, any minute, but when???? As anxious as you are, on some level, you are also scared to hear the buzzer.

Well, waiting for your hair to fall out is a very similar experience (minus the giddyness). You know it is coming out, but when. My sister says it is a very surreal experience - one day, you are in the shower and clumps of hair come off into your hands. No more shampoo needed - just a garbage can.

After the first chemo treatment, my hair was given 2-3 weeks to live. So soon? Tomorrow will be 3 weeks, and, until now, it was feeling strong. I have even had fleeting thoughts about maybe I'd be in that miniscule % of the population that doesn't lose their hair.

Caitlyn frequently asks, with a glimmer in her eye and a big, expectant smile on her face, "Mommy, is today the day you are going to be bald?" I would give a gentle tug, and answer "Nope, not today, but soon". She was always disappointed with that answer. Not me.

However, my hair has been feeling a good bit dryer over the past couple of days. An early warning sign - the baby has dropped. But this morning, when I ran a brush thru my hair, there sure was a lot of loose hairs in the brush. So I ran my hand thru, again a lot of hair - Oh No! Please let it be Braxton Hicks contractions!

Despite the fact that I need to shower and get dressed for the day, I'm afraid!

I have to remember that just as a pregnant woman is prepared with car seats and cribs, I have hats and bandanas. I'm prepared... just not ready.