The nerves are starting to win

I'm sitting in Kevin's cousin's house on Long Island. Tomorrow, we go into NY and see Dr. Seidman. I'm crazy nervous. What's the expression? "Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs..." That's me.

This is an important trip - tomorrow is an important meeting - and I feel under-prepared. It is crazy to feel like that, but I do. We've been reading - we've been organizing our questions. But what if we have missed something? We have 1 shot at a discussion with this doctor. I feel like I'm back at school, the night before a big exam. Am I really prepared?

And maybe I'm making my self crazy for nothing. So what if I think of another 3 questions on Wednesday. I will just ask my doctor at home. That will be fine. I like Dr. Mininberg and trust his answers also.

I don't know. The more I read and reasearch, the more overwhelmed and nervous I get. And certainly, each day, as the first of the chemotherapy treatments get closer, I get more and more nervous. I use the wrong words for things, I can't spell anymore and am just generally distracted and foggy in my head.

Oh well. It is what it is. I'm going into the other room to drink a few beers and watch the SuperBowl. Maybe that will help pass a few hours.