Taking off the "Super-Mom" cape is hard

Here it was - my perfect excuse to get a few days of rest - and I blew it.

I've joked about it before. How I'd trade having to go through something horrible so I could have an excuse to sit on the couch for days - taking naps - watching too much t.v. - catching up on all of the books that I never have time to read - eating bonbons - and telling the job, family and friends: "Sorry, I'd love to help you with that, but I just had (insert excuse here) and I just can't do that right now. I need my rest."

So, last Friday morning, I go in for surgery and I have to spend the night at the hospital. When I come home Saturday afternoon, I'm sore and tired, but not feeling too bad - thanks to the wonder drugs. The weekend is nice - Kevin is around to help out with things and to keep me in check.

Here comes THE week. The one I've dreamed about. The kids are off to school. The husband is off to work. I have the house to myself to recuperate. Do I? Of course not! Because I'm 1) a person on pain killers which allows me to ignore what my body just went thru and push on; 2) a Super-Mom with no "off" button; 3) a dumbo; 4) all of the above.

Yes, #4 is correct.

In my earlier dreams of being on the couch for "THE" week, I obviously hadn't placed the couch in reality. That's why it's a dream. I could have still chosen to sit on the couch for "THE" week - and looking back, I really should have done more of it - but (and it's a big but - and we're good at those in my family) that couch is still physically located inside my house and inside my life where everything else is still whirling at top speed.

This week brought: a child's school conference, several doctors appointments, a flat tire and sitting at the repair place dealing with idiots that don't actually move to fix your flat tire until you break down into tears, homework and other after school activities, hundreds of phone calls - many to/from doctors offices about past and upcoming treatments, family members announcing a divorce, friends struggling with issues in their lives, my sister's family who's been battling loss of internet and Comcast for months, my daughter's 5th birthday, normal work demands, etc. At least for me, none of these things can easily be ignored or put off - despite the fact that so many wonderful people have offered help.

Let me relate it to being a major league player at batting practice before the game. Thousands of kids are lined up waiting to watch you hit them outta the park over and over. And the pitcher keeps throwing balls at you. And yet, you've been told to just stand there, holding your bat and relax and let them fly by you and collect in a big puddle behind you without even a swing. Ignore the disappointment in your own self and the kids watching.

Being the Super-Mom after all - my batting average in life is usually pretty good. At least when a ball (ball: noun: item on the never ending to do list) gets past me, I've attempted to hit it.

So while I know that I should rest, sit on the couch and let people do things for me - life is still coming at me full speed. I really don't feel that bad. I know that I will soon enough and will really need the help then. Some things are easier to take care of myself than explaining to others what needs to be done. I can't say no and hate to let others down. And mostly, I HATE feeling helpless and like a patient.

Yesterday, a good friend stopped in to give me a shoulder, arm and foot massage. He refered to me as a control freak - because I struggle so much to relax and just let him control my head and my arms. Wow! I've never thought of myself as a control freak. But I guess that plays into the whole Super-Mom syndrome. And looking back at this week really puts it into perspective.

I fell asleep on Caitlyn's floor last night at 8:00pm while Kevin was getting the girls ready for bed. He stopped messing with them to help me to bed. I fell asleep in my bed listening to him read them bed time stories. It's official. I try to do too much. I need to let go and let others help me.

It will be a struggle for me, but at least for a little while, the Super-Mom cape has been hung up in the closet.